5 Mistakes to Avoid in a New Relationship


5 Mistakes to Avoid in a New Relationship

New relationships are intoxicating. You can’t stop smiling and feel like this is the perfect person for you. The honeymoon stage is incredible, but how long can it last? According to a study by Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld, 70 percent of unmarried couples break up within the first year. These results would mean that if you are starting a new relationship, you have a 30 percent chance of being together on your first anniversary.

Before you lose all hope and ditch your new partner, know that it is possible to make your relationship last. Since you can’t change anyone except yourself, here are five mistakes to avoid in a new relationship.

1. You start planning your wedding

Even if you are starry-eyed and deeply in love after a few months, there is no reason to begin to plan the wedding. Sure, you like to daydream and fantasize about what it will be like, but keep these thoughts to yourself.

Sharing your dream wedding details and desires to get married too soon will push your partner away. Dating is different than long-term commitment. You need to realize that every thought you have doesn’t need to be discussed with your new partner, especially when it comes to your wedding dreams. Keep these to yourself in a new relationship unless your partner asks you about them.

2. You bring your baggage from past relationships into the new one

If you haven’t dealt with your past relationship issues or worked to heal yourself, you will carry the baggage into the new one. You may project these issues onto your partner, or your behavior may be less than desirable.

Avoid blaming your partner for your issues from past relationships. They are not responsible for what you went through in your past so stop punishing them. When you realize that you are in the wrong, apologize, and take active steps to fix the problem. Don’t continue to punish your partner for things they didn’t do. Fix yourself first, and you will see a shift in your relationship.

3. You make your life all about your partner and relationship

Of course, you want to spend all of your time with your new partner. You can’t get enough of them and find it hard to stay focused on your goals. Regardless of how much you care about them, don’t forget you had a life before the relationship.

Don’t make the mistake of forgetting your individual life goals, friendships, and family. You can balance your new relationship with your personal life. Don’t neglect the support system that has been here for you since the beginning. Keep up with your hobbies and interest. Don’t lose yourself in your relationship.

4. You play the victim

The quickest way to start an argument is to play the victim. If you take everything that your partner says as personal and allow it to hurt your feelings, you can easily slip into the victim role. Doing this will cause an instant argument, and you will be to blame.

Focus on taking responsibility for what you say and how you act. If you screw up, then apologize to your partner. If you realize that you are acting like a victim call yourself out and change your behavior. You are 100 percent responsible for your words and actions, so don’t blame someone else for what you do.

5. You think you can change your partner

You think that you can do something that will make them change their mind or their behavior. You may even believe that they will change over time. Don’t make this big mistake in any relationship whether new or years down the road.

You are tricking yourself if you believe that someone will magically change who they are for you or anyone else. Your partner is showing you who they are and it’s likely they will never change. Take them for their word and let their actions speak for themselves. Don’t be delusional and think they will change as the relationship goes on or after marriage.

You deserve a wonderful relationship and partner. To obtain this, you have to be your healthiest self so that you attract a deserving relationship. You are only responsible for your part of the relationship. Remember to avoid these five mistakes when you begin a new relationship so that you are bringing your A game. Don’t make the mistake of losing a good partner because of your behavior. You’ve got to give your best to get the best.

About the author:

Known as the real-world relationship expert, Kristie Overstreet Ph.D., LPCC, LMHC, LPC, CST teaches people to improve their connection with themselves and others. She is a clinical sexologist, psychotherapist, and author. She is the author of Fix Yourself First: 25 tips to stop ruining your relationships and 4 Weeks to Improve Your Relationship as a Couple. She knows when people have a foundation and build off the positive aspects of themselves it leads to improvements in their personal and professional relationships. She motivates, inspires, and helps people to create self-change for personal growth. With 12 years of clinical experience, she has developed best practices in relationship dynamics within families. Her mission is to empower all individuals to shift their focus so they can achieve and maintain the life they deserve. She has given a TEDx talk on healthcare and is a sought-after expert in relationships. She also serves as a national contributor to CNN, Psychology Today, Readers Digest, Women’s Health, Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, and various other media.