Have you ever wanted to speak up for something you needed and felt stuck?
Did you want to say how you were feeling, but felt like you couldn’t?
Your struggle with speaking up for your needs must be addressed today. You don’t have the luxury of going another day without getting your needs met. If you continue to avoid discussing your needs, you’ll continue to feel unhappy, which can lead to resentment.
I know that sharing your needs can be scary because it is forcing you to be vulnerable. What if you tell someone what you need and they don’t care? What if you share your needs and they don’t meet it? This can lead you to have to make a decision about your relationship with them. Here are five reasons why you need to speak up for your needs immediately.
1. You will continue to go without if you don’t speak up
Sounds pretty basic, right? So why do we make it so difficult to speak up for our needs? Maybe you feel like you don’t deserve your needs getting met, or you feel like there is no point because they aren’t going to meet them anyway. Regardless of what’s keeping you stuck, you have to share your needs.
2. There’s no better time than today
There’s no better time like the present to tell the person in your life what you need. Whether you need them to step up or you want to tell them what you are feeling, today is the day. There won’t be a better time than right now.
3. Resentment will silently kill your relationship
This is a biggie that I see so many of my clients deal with daily. They don’t share their needs in their relationship, and then they get angry because they aren’t happy. This leads them to stuff and stack their feelings, which turns into resentment. This anger turned inward will quickly kill the connection in your relationship. If you want a better relationship, you have to heal and deal with your resentment toward the person.
4. Avoiding your needs won’t make them go away
Avoidance is a great defense mechanism that keeps you from dealing with your issues. Sure, it may cause you to feel better at the moment, but it can’t last long. Just like when you squeeze toothpaste out of the tube, it’s impossible to get it back in. This is what avoidance is like because you can’t create the relationship you want by avoiding the issue of your needs.
5. You teach others how to treat you
By speaking up for your needs, you are teaching them how to treat you. As well as showing them what you will accept and not accept. If you don’t guide them, how will they know how to treat you. The only way to do this is to speak up about your needs. Share with them what you want, desire, and need. This will be the only way you’ll get your needs met.
There isn’t a short cut for changing your relationship dynamics. You have the power to create the relationship you desire by sharing what you need within the relationship. Since there are two of you, both of you have the right to speak up as well as the responsibility to listen to one another.
If you share your needs and they are unable to meet it, then the next step is to reassess your relationship, which can be challenging to do. However, continuing to avoid your need to speak up is only delaying what you know you needed to do anyway.
Keep working on your assertiveness and confidence in yourself. This is the best chance you have at creating the relationship you desire.
A clinical sexologist and psychotherapist. From sex/intimacy, personal growth, and relationships, I am here to help you every step of the way.