It’s easier to see issues in other people’s relationships versus looking at your own. How much heartache would you save yourself if you were able to identify if your relationship is toxic now versus later?
If you are ready to evaluate your relationship, then keep reading. Save yourself by recognizing if your relationship isn’t healthy by any of these five signs.
1. You are the only one working to keep the relationship together
You are working a disproportionate amount harder than your partner to keep the relationship together. You begin to feel that if you sit back and relax, the relationship will fall apart.
Are you the only one who values the relationship? Who would be more upset if it ended tomorrow? Your primary focus is on keeping the relationship going regardless of the cost to you. If you continue to be the only one working in the relationship, you won’t have anything left to give yourself.
2. Your gut is telling you to end it, but you aren’t listening
The alarm bells are ringing and have been for a while. However, you may have been turning down the volume for a while now. Your intuition is trying to tell you that you need to end the relationship, but you are ignoring it.
You may feel that you have invested so much of your life into the relationship that it can’t end. Ask yourself, what would have to happen to make it obvious enough for me to leave the relationship? Next, ask yourself if this has already happened and you decided to ignore it or forgive them. If you continue to think if this happens again, you need to listen to your gut.
3. You don’t trust your partner
Trust between two people fluctuates on a scale of 1-10 on any given day. You realize that most days you don’t trust them. They have hurt you more than once, and you feel that something isn’t right most days.
Your trust in your partner is damaged, and you don’t see how it can recover. You begin to see a pattern of their behavior and actions that are causing you not to trust them. This is a massive sign that you can’t continue to ignore. Is it worth living in constant pain or paranoia if your partner is not committed to taking the right steps to establish trust?
4. You avoid being honest with yourself
You know the relationship is unhealthy, but you don’t want it to end. You struggle with being honest with yourself with how the relationship is affecting you mentally, emotionally, or physically. You need to evaluate what you get out of the relationship objectively. Do your partner and the relationship make your life better?
Each time you think about where the relationship is going, you fantasize about how great it can be, not how the relationship currently is. It’s easier to stay in a place of dreams and fantasy versus reality. If you don’t realize where you are, another year will pass, and things will continue to be the same.
5. When your partner tries to end it, you convince them that it will get better
Each time your partner tells you they are done and the relationship is over, you convince them to stay. You are willing to do anything and everything they want to save the relationship. Your partner is being honest with you and trying to tell you that it isn’t working. It’s your responsibility to listen to what they are telling you.
You are beginning to lose who you are as a person and doing whatever it takes to please your partner. You are working too hard to the relationship alive, regardless of how unhealthy it is. You love them, and you think that love is enough to make it work. The action of love will always be more important and viable than the feeling of love. If your partner isn’t showing you the act of love every single day then the feeling of love is worthless.
No matter how toxic or unhealthy your relationship is, ending it can be difficult. You feel like it just has to work, but you are wrong. A healthy relationship takes two people being their best and healthiest self more days than not.
It can’t exist if one of these five signs are present. If you don’t, things will only continue to get worse. You can only change you and no one else. Stop waiting for them to change and take the steps you need to save yourself. Always remember that the world is full of amazing people and life is too short to remain in a toxic relationship.
A clinical sexologist and psychotherapist. From sex/intimacy, personal growth, and relationships, I am here to help you every step of the way.