the blog

5 Tips to Figure Out Your Needs

Blog, Growth

July 18, 2019

Why is difficult for us to figure out our needs? The mystery of who we are and what we need can keep us from evolving into our best selves.

Whether you haven’t had time, haven’t thought about it, or you spend all of your time taking care of other people, you are responsible for knowing your needs. If you are struggling to get started, here are my favorite tips to get your gears rolling.

1. Give yourself permission

Start by permitting yourself to explore what your needs are.

Your lack of permission to do this will keep you stuck. You deserve a journey as much as anyone else, but you have to be the one who takes the first step of action.

If you don’t permit yourself to figure out your needs, then who will give it to you? What are you waiting on? Your time is now.

2. Don’t say your clueless

When asked, “What do you need,” stop replying that you don’t know. Even though it may feel like it, you aren’t clueless.

You know more about yourself than you realize. You just haven’t allowed yourself to figure it out yet. Don’t start by thinking that you don’t have any idea.

The next time you so are asked what do you need, say that you are working on figuring it out.

3. Write it out

Sure, you can ask yourself the question and have an endless string of thoughts about it, or you can take action.

One way to do this is to write out your answers versus just thinking about them. For example, separate the different areas of needs such as personal, relationships, physical, and career. Then under each one write out what you need in each of these areas.

Taking action by writing your needs will make them more achievable.

4. Be gentle with yourself

I know that no one could be as hard on you as you are on yourself. I get that, but this is the time to ease up on your negative self-talk.

Cut yourself some slack during this journey. When your thoughts begin to tell you that you are selfish because you are focusing on your needs, say So What.

Even though you aren’t selfish, stating these two words can help you realize that even if you were selfish, it’s okay. Just as a reminder, self-care isn’t selfish. Figuring out what your needs are is crucial to self-care.

5. Stop waiting

Let me be clear if you don’t figure out what you need in your life now, it won’t happen. There won’t be a better time when you aren’t as busy, or you are waiting for life to slow down.

This is it. If you value yourself or desire to fix yourself, you have to start now. Remember, you have done much harder things in your life, and you can do this. It’s time to improve your relationship with yourself.

Before you can start to get your needs met from yourself or another person, you have to figure out what your needs are.

Giving yourself permission, realizing your power, writing them out, being gentle with yourself, and realizing today is the day, you are ready to take action.

If you need a kick start or a little help, book a virtual session with me, and I will walk you through the entire process. Let me know your progress on figuring out what you need to live your best life.


A clinical sexologist and psychotherapist. From sex/intimacy, personal growth, and relationships, I am here to help you every step of the way.

hey there, i'm dr. kristie,

Let's go!

Check out my free trainings & courses!