Do you struggle with confidence in your relationship? Is it hard to accept compliments from a loved one? If you’re sitting there, shaking your head yes, then know you’re not alone.
Struggles with confidence in relationships aren’t uncommon. In fact, it’s one of the main things I work on with clients; however, you can overcome these struggles.
In this post, I will help you to do just that. Below you’ll find out how self-confidence and success in relationships go hand-in-hand, how to overcome negative self-talk, and my 5 must-know tips to boost your self-esteem.
Many of us associate the word confidence with how we see ourselves. We tie it to our physical body and how we feel when we look in the mirror.
While this is a part of confidence, yes, it’s not the end-all-be-all of it.
Confidence relates to every other part of ourselves, which includes:
As you can see, confidence affects nearly every area in your life, so it’s super important to look at what you’re going to do about it and then hone in on the areas that it impacts the most.
Two main areas that are most impacted by low confidence are:
Let’s go over that first are–How you see yourself and how this affects you.
I want you to ask yourself: “Am I confident?”
Go ahead, right now, at this moment, and ask yourself this question.
You may automatically think, “I’m not confident at all,” or “Eh, in some areas of my life, I have confidence.”
But you’re looking at the confidence in yourself as it relates to how other people see you. You need to look at how confident you are when you look at yourself on a normal day.
Our confidence fluctuates throughout the day. It goes up and down, depending on what’s happening in our lives. It’s normal to feel confident one time of the day and then feel less so at another time.
Give yourself permission to be real and know these fluctuations are okay. If you don’t, you’re going to keep beating yourself up about not feeling confident enough or not being worthy enough, which leads to a spiral of negative self-talk.
Now that you know it’s completely okay for your confidence to go up and down, let’s take a look at your self-talk.
Here are some examples:
These are just a few that I hear from clients every day, and the only truth they carry is they will deflate your confidence, guaranteed. The more you engage with this talk, the bigger your belief gets, until you feel more depressed, stuck, and anxious.
It would take less time to stop, reframe the talk, and change it to be positive than to pretend to ignore it.
Since it’s this act of stuffing and stacking the thoughts that equate to how we see ourselves and this image bleeds over to negatively affect our relationships.
We are responsible for bringing our 50% to the relationship. So, if you’re not dealing with this stuff, you’re not bringing that to your relationship.
If you don’t deal with it, your partner is in a place where they constantly have to validate you and reassure you that they aren’t going anywhere.
The second area to review is how your partner sees you.
This absolutely affects your confidence.
I want you to think for a minute on this question:
If you quickly dismissed it because you felt embarrassed, you struggled to accept the compliment, or minimized it, then you’ve got some work to do.
The next time this happens, I want you to say “Thank you” and leave it at that.
It won’t make those around you feel uncomfortable. They’re telling you how wonderful you are, and it’s your responsibility to accept it.
This confidence in your relationship is crucial to its success.
When one partner is less confident than the other, the other partner is trying to lift the other up constantly.
It becomes unhealthy when one partner feels it’s their steady job to support and validate the other person, especially since they need the same support but aren’t getting it back.
This can become a codependent relationship where one partner relies on the other partner to validate them, yet that partner still isn’t realizing it. In time, it affects your emotional and physical intimacy with your partner.
You can’t change your partner, but you can change you. When you make these changes, you can see changes in your relationship.
Now that we know the two key areas that impact confidence and their importance, let’s go over three questions that can boost your confidence.
Now that you answered the hard questions, I want to give you my favorite 5 tips to improve your confidence. They are proven, and they work, so go out and take action.