If you’re feeling frustrated at your partner or someone in your life and no matter what they do, you can’t shake your anger. Maybe you feel disconnected from them or even avoid them whenever possible.
As time passes, you feel more and more resentment towards them. You don’t want to forgive them because that would mean you’re okay with their behavior, but you don’t want to continue experiencing the hurt and pain.
Here’s what you need to know about dealing and healing your resentment.
Deal with resentment
Resentment comes in many different ways. Someone may have hurt you through their behavior or words. Something they did caused you pain. Even if they’ve apologized for it, you are still holding on to it. Maybe they haven’t apologized, which leads you to feel angrier each time you think about it.
One of the first steps in dealing with your resentment is to recognize how it shows up in your life. If you don’t realize this resentment, you won’t be able to work through it. Your needs within the relationship with the person are valid.
Resentment affects you emotionally and physically. It can destroy you if you continue to hold on to it. Here is how resentment may look in your life:
- Feeling hopeless in your relationship with the person
- Struggling to speak up for your needs because you don’t believe the person will change
- Giving up on the situation or issue because you feel too exhausted with the person
- Avoiding the person and staying away from them when possible
- Feeling angry every time the person brings up a topic around your resentment
- Feeling detached and disconnected from the person
- Feeling stuck in an argument cycle around a topic or issue
- Physical symptoms such as high blood pressure, headaches, and lethargy
Heal your resentment
Your resentment toward the person maybe over something small or big, you determine how it affects you. Even if it’s something you think is too small to be angry about, there’s something about it that is leading you to cling to it. You can’t continue to grow the way you want to and hold on to the anger inside of you.
If the idea of forgiving the person seems insane because what they did was so wrong, then prepare to stay stuck. Don’t think of forgiveness as something you do for the person. Find forgiveness for you, so that you can move forward. Forgiveness doesn’t mean what they did to you was okay or acceptable.
Forgiveness doesn’t have to involve the person you resent. Your ability to forgive them in your own way will allow you to let go of the resentment. When you forgive them, you’re letting go of what is weighing you down with the person. You don’t have to involve the other person during this process. Forgiveness and letting go are for you, not them.
Write them a letter of forgiveness, which you won’t give to them because this healing is for you. Tell them everything you want them to know about how you feel and how you were affected by what they did to you.
Pour your heart out. Be angry, frustrated, or whatever feeling comes up for you. Don’t leave anything out. After you have done this, read it back to yourself, take a moment to pause, and let it go.
This exercise isn’t as simple as it seems, because it requires you to be honest with your feelings and what you’ve been experiencing. If you’re ready to find inward peace and want to let go of what’s weighing you down, try this exercise. You are in control of your happiness. No one else can hold you down. You are not a victim. You are powerful and in control of your life. Share this post and help someone else overcome their resentment
A clinical sexologist and psychotherapist. From sex/intimacy, personal growth, and relationships, I am here to help you every step of the way.