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Guest Post: How a Swingers Club Led Me to Feel Empowered

Blog, Growth, Relationships

February 22, 2019

This is the first of many guest post that I will be sharing with you. Everyone’s journey looks different, but I find that I can learn something from everyone’s story.

This particular one is about a friend of mine’s experience in a Swinger’s Club and how she learned more about herself than she ever thought possible.

Author: Leia Ashley

We woke up around 8:30 pm in a hotel. It had been a long day already. We had successfully dropped the kids off, traveled an hour away to complete a 5K run in below freezing temperatures, ate lunch with friends, drove another hour to the hotel, showered, and passed out from exhaustion.

After all that how was I supposed to feel sexy or motivated to go to my second Swingers Club. Just thinking through the process of getting dressed, doing my hair, putting on makeup was enough to make me pull the sheets back over my head. However, I was determined to make it happen.

We had heard from other friends in the lifestyle that, if any, this was the club we had to attend. We had planned it perfectly, booked the hotel, ran our race, now all that was left was to get out of bed.

Mostly motivated by the fact that we had already paid and I was hungry, the website stated “gourmet hors d’oeuvres buffet”…how can I pass that up?

Little black dress on, lingerie underneath, heels for the win and we were off. As I mentioned this was the second club we had been to, I’ll save that story for another time, but we didn’t know what to expect. The reviews from friends were positive, and the pictures on the website gave us a general idea. Unfortunately, Yelp or Trip Advisor doesn’t list swingers clubs for the most part.

The check-in area was a little chaotic because of the location between the locker room and the main club area. So as we entered, people were half dressed, not dressed or undressing, which is a lot to take in.

After we stored our coats and made our drinks we preceded to the main club area to get a feel for what we were in for that evening. I was in sensory overload at first. The music was loud, the lights were bright, and the clothes were scarce. Girls were dancing in cages, couples dancing on podiums, and everyone was watching everyone. It took an hour or so of walking around, doing a few laps to understand the layout and feel comfortable.

One of my main reasons in wanting to write this article about this Swingers Club encounter was my personal experience that evening. The word that keeps coming to mind and the way I felt that evening was EMPOWERED. Seems at first a little crazy, I think, but let me explain.

Hours earlier I was layered in clothes, cold, lips turning blue, covered in mud. Now at the moment, I was dolled up, with my little black dress and heels feeling sexy. What a quick transition! Around me were women, of all ages, size, color, I believe experiencing that same EMPOWERMENT. Some had on beautiful red dresses, (oh and to mention, it was a Red Dress Theme Night; apparently we missed that memo), some had on classy red lingerie, and others had on outfits that I am unsure as to how they got it on and more intriguing is how long it took them to get it on.

Now in my limited experience, there is typically a witching hour that everyone will take it all off, or at least shed a layer, in my case, to reveal the next layer of clothing. I was encouraged by a couple we had started talking to, as the female was a step ahead of me.

I went to the locker room and dropped the dress. Walking out into a place of 300 people with nothing but a bra, panties, and heels on, wow, it’s a feeling I will never forget. One part nauseating, one part thrilling, and one part “this feels amazing”!

As I spent the rest of the night in that outfit, I began to think, how many of us really get that opportunity, or would ever try it, even if we had that opportunity? What I recognized from all of those women, and men was that no one cared what the scale said that morning, or if they worked out that day, or what people thought about them that night. They were comfortable literally in their SKIN, and they were purely here to enjoy themselves. To me, this was the ultimate EMPOWERMENT!

There is more to the story and the rest of my experience that evening, but I will save that for another time. I wanted to share with you how I felt about this particular night and highly recommend this experience to others. Yes, for those of you wondering, you can go to a Swingers Club and not be Swingers.

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A clinical sexologist and psychotherapist. From sex/intimacy, personal growth, and relationships, I am here to help you every step of the way.

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